“Let’s Do Church” -- NOT!

 

!

I am blessed to be part of a loving and supportive church family that honors and glorifies God in their worship, preaching, teaching, missions, outreach, and all that they do. But others may not be as fortunate, as I was reminded by a dream that I had recently of what a Bible-based, God-honoring church is NOT.

In the dream, my husband and I ran into a former business acquaintance. I half expected a vague offer of “Let’s do lunch,” but instead he invited us to visit his church. To avoid offending him, we accepted.

On the appointed day, we were ushered in, not to the ornate sanctuary, but into what appeared to be a large family room of an assisted living facility or other institution. Many elderly people, some drooling with vacant stares, occupied the large, overstuffed chairs covered in cracking vinyl. Yet there were also toddlers and young children looking bored, despite the attempts of a few frazzled women to amuse them.  There was no other place to sit, so we made our way to the back of the crowded room and sat down awkwardly on a daybed.

I had brought a pair of prescription glasses to read my Bible and made the mistake of setting them on the bedside table, for I soon realized that several other pairs were already there, gathering dust, and I could no longer tell which pair was mine.

Finally the gentleman who invited us came in, dressed in a finely tailored business suit and power tie, and asked my husband to go with him to assist in the service. He complied, and I assumed that he would be praying or perhaps reading a passage of Scripture aloud.

After a long while, no one had returned for me or the others, even though I was sure the service had already started. I heard a loud band blaring contemporary music and crowds roaring in response. I grew restless just sitting there, so I wandered out. To my surprise, I spotted the minister, dressed in clerical garb, apparently killing time in the hallway and reluctant to lead his own congregation in worship.

He seemed to welcome the diversion of my presence and offered to show me some artifacts the church had recently purchased. Not wanting to be rude, I feigned interest as he pointed out an extensive coin collection and an antique German spinet inlaid with a variety of finely carved woods, but too old and fragile to be played. I wondered to myself why church funds would be spent on these expensive trinkets that served no purpose in worship, rather than on supporting missions.

I excused myself with “Don’t let me keep you from the service,” to which he replied, ”Oh, no problem – hope you’ll both stay for the social after.”

I entered the sanctuary, but the service had ended, and I was sorely disappointed at not having heard God’s Word read or preached or having had the opportunity to worship in song or prayer. Most of the congregation was already outside, sunning themselves around a large pool, and many of them had changed into swim wear.

I suddenly realized I was hungry and thirsty, but I didn’t dare try the drinks they were sipping with paper umbrellas in them. “Dinner” was being served in a fenced area, but after I paid a hefty price for a plate, I realized that all they had was Twinkies and other junk food desserts.

Thankfully I awoke, more grateful than ever for our own church. The Biblical definition of church is NOT a building or a social organization, but a called-out assembly of born-again believers (Acts 2:47; 11:26; 14:27; 16:5) comprising the body of Christ (Ephesians 1:22-23; 5:23-32; Colossians 1:18,24) and the bride of Christ (Revelation 21:22; 22:17). Yet the dream left me wondering how many who attend church services do so for ungodly purposes, and how many churches pander to those unbiblical motives.

Church is NOT someplace to go to strengthen one’s social or business network, to meet people of influence or to be seen in a flattering light. Jesus criticized the Pharisees for wanting the best seats in the synagogues and for making a big show of prayers and tithing (Matthew 23:2-7; Luke 11:42-44), even though their hearts were far from him (Matthew 15:8).

The bride of Christ is to be separated from the world and holy in their lifestyle (1 Peter 1:15-16). If a church group seems no different from the world in dress, habits, music and behavior even while at God’s house, how can the members be salt and light (Matthew 5:13-16) when they leave the building and return to their communities, schools, and workplace?

God’s house should be well maintained to honor Him, but without ostentation and foolish spending on earthly treasures (Matthew 6:19-21). Good stewardship should ensure that funds are used to spread God’s Word locally and across the globe through missions (2 Corinthians 11:8-10; Philippians 4:15). 

Although churchgoers should assemble to encourage and build up one another through fellowship, prayer, and bearing one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2; Hebrews 10:25), which should enhance our joy and peace in the Lord, church is NOT merely a form of recreation or a pleasant family pastime. Yet some churches seek to attract congregations by providing music, media, games or social settings that seem to be only secular entertainment, and not sacred worship or Scriptural teaching.

This trend seems to be most prevalent and appalling in some youth groups. Adolescents must cope with so many painful struggles in which God’s Word should be a great source of strength and comfort (Psalm 119:9-11). But instead, some churches subject their youth to foolish and demeaning “ice-breakers” like eating peanut butter out of the youth pastor’s armpit! Small wonder that so few remain in church once they leave home.

Smaller classes or worship groups based on age or sex may be appropriate, provided that they do not segregate or isolate anyone, and as long as all teach the Word. Yet in my dream, the elderly, young, and women were excluded from the main service, and no one was fed the daily bread of Scripture (Luke 11:3). Churches offering a great variety of classes, programs and services should be careful not to prevent families from worshipping together, to fragment the congregation into groups that are too small to be supportive, or to distract from teaching and preaching the Word.

In my dream, the eyeglasses collecting dust may symbolize a church that no longer bothers to read the Word. The boredom in the youth and apathy in the elderly (Revelation 3:15-16) were the exact opposite of a church that is alive through the Holy Spirit  (Revelation 22:17). This “church” must have been expecting the members to fall asleep, for it even had a bed!

The minister seemed more interested in the social aspects of church and in acquiring treasures of no practical or spiritual value (Revelation 3:17), while shirking his responsibility to lead and to feed his flock (Acts 20:28; 1 Timothy 3:15; John 21:15-16). I left feeling hungry spiritually as well as physically, for there is no nourishment in “church” without worship or the Word (Matthew 6:11; Acts 2:46-47).

We don’t need to “do church” – only the Holy Spirit can empower the body of Christ, by His light shining through every believer (Revelation 3:6,13,22). Only through Him can churches bond together in love, shunning disputes and divisions and unified by faith in Him and His Word (1 Corinthians 11:16), and using their spiritual gifts to grow the church and build up one another (1 Corinthians 14:12).

Why don’t all churches just devote themselves to Jesus – to telling others of how He died for our sins, was buried and rose again to give eternal life to those who trust Him? (1 Corinthians 15:1-4; John 3:16)) Why don’t churches just preach Christ (Acts 5:42; 8:5; 9:20; 17:3; 1 Corinthians 1:23), worship Him, and encourage one another in the Lord? Isn’t Jesus enough?

© 2013 Laurie Collett

Reposted from the archives

Her Family Call Her Blessed

As we saw last time, Solomon describes in Proverbs 31 the ideal woman he prayed for his son to marry. The Proverbs 31 woman is generous and charitable (v. 20), trusting that God will allow her to be a channel through whom blessings flow (2 Corinthians 9:6), and knowing that you can’t outgive God (Luke 6:38), Who is the source of all good gifts (James 1:17). She is a blessing to her family (Proverbs 31:12), has a realistic opinion about herself (v. 18), provides for her family through her hard work and planning (v. 21, 24), and enhances the reputation of her husband (v. 23).

God’s plan for marriage is for the wife to submit herself to her husband’s authority, who in turn loves her self-sacrificingly (Colossians 3:17-24; Ephesians 5:20-33). This is a beautiful picture of the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church (Revelation 19:7-9). He loves us so much that He died to redeem us (Romans 5:8), and we follow His authority because we trust that His infinite love and power enables Him to work all things together for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28).

Although the hard work, thrift and prior planning of the Proverbs 31 woman allow her to be well dressed (v. 22), her true beauty comes from being clothed in good character traits. People admire her not for the clothes she wears, but for her spiritual and moral strength in following God’s Word, and for the honor she brings to her family. God has clothed her in magnificent garments of salvation and righteousness (Isaiah 61:10; 1 Peter 3:3-10).

Because she is a woman of character, she finds joy in following the Lord, no matter what the external circumstances (Nehemiah 8:10; Philippians 4:4). She knows that she can be patient and wait upon the Lord to bring her through trials and to bless her (v. 25; Psalm 23:4-6).

The Proverbs 31 woman is kind, speaking the truth in love (v. 26), but knowing when to be silent (v. 26). She can control her tongue, refraining from gossip (Matthew 12:35-37), criticism or anger that could ruin her testimony (James 3:2-13). Her restraint in speech reflects the Word of God that she has hidden in her heart to avoid sinning (Psalm 119:11) and the subjection of her actions to the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:1).

This type of woman, although rare, is a tremendous asset to her family and all those around her, and they respect and praise her, recognizing that the blessings she gives them are priceless (v.10, 28, 29). We should strive to be praiseworthy in setting a good example and teaching our children how to behave and fear the Lord (Proverbs 10:1; Titus 2:3-5), in our generosity (Luke 6:38, Philippians 4:16-18; Mark 9:41; Matthew 6:20-21), and in our faith and prayer life (Philippians 4:13; Colossians 1:27; 1 Thessalonians 5:17; Psalm 119:10-11).

We can become this kind of woman not by relying on our social skills or our physical charms, but by fearing the Lord – by putting His will for our life ahead of all else (v.30). In doing this, we can live in a way that will reflect our position in Christ to those around us (Ephesians 4:1)

As important as it is to love and provide for our family, even this can become an idol in our lives if we put it ahead of our obedience to God and our desire to please Him. Rather, if we put God first in our lives, He will provide for our physical needs (Matthew 6:33), let us be a blessing to others (Proverbs 31:30), enlarge our sphere of influence in this world and give us eternal life in the next (Mark 10: 29-30).

Until Christ comes again, may we honor Him by giving to all we encounter our example of faith in Christ, in His death, burial and resurrection as the only Way to Heaven (1 Corinthians 15:1-4; John 14:6) that they too may accept and follow Him (2 Timothy 1: 5; Acts 16:31).

© 2013 Laurie Collett 

Reposted from the archives

  

Proverbs 31: 20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

 

Who Is the Proverbs 31 Woman?

Photo by Peter van der Slujs 2012

Whom do you picture when you think of the ideal woman described in Proverbs 31:10-31? Feminists might think that a Biblical model would portray a self-effacing, mousy, stay-at-home woman who is a doormat to her husband, but nothing could be further from the truth. May this passage teach us more about the person that God would have women to be as a blessing and strong support to their husband, children, and all in their household, community, and sphere of influence.

The book of Proverbs contains practical wisdom to help us in our relationships with one another, and conveniently contains 31 chapters – one for each day of the month!  Reading one chapter of Proverbs each day would help us beyond measure in how we treat people and are treated in response. The author of Proverbs is King Solomon, who prayed to God for wisdom and was rewarded with all blessings, in addition to being the wisest man who ever lived (1 Kings 3:7-14; 4:29-34). In Proverbs 31:10-31, Solomon describes to his son the type of woman he prays he will someday marry.

In Hebrew, the verses of this passage describing the ideal wife begin with the letters of the Hebrew alphabet in order. This Divinely-inspired organization may reflect the woman described here – her life and her priorities are ordered around her relationship to God. She is virtuous (v. 10), or morally strong and courageous. She possesses Godly wisdom, or fear of the Lord (v. 30; Proverbs 1:7;;9:10) which is priceless (Proverbs 19:14, 3: 13-18).

Under Divine inspiration, Solomon describes the virtuous woman as being more precious than rubies (v. 10). These gems are prized even more than diamonds because the internal qualities of the stone shine out, whereas diamonds reflect whatever is around them. Similarly, the light of the Holy Spirit indwelling the virtuous woman shines forth, making her a new creation (John 3:5-8; 2 Cor. 5:17). In contrast, the unsaved woman conforms to the world and is molded by its ungodly values and character (Romans 12:2).

A good example of the virtuous Proverbs 31 woman is Ruth (3:11), who put her faith in the true God and her loyalty to her mother-in-law above the false gods her people worshipped. God rewarded Ruth’s faith and virtue by leading her not only to the perfect husband for her, but also by allowing her to become part of the genealogy of Jesus Christ! (Ruth 4:13-22)

The Proverbs 31 woman is faithful (v. 11), hard-working (v. 13-16, v. 27), morally and physically strong (v. 17). She “girds her loins” with the strength and truth of God’s Word, as part of the armor of God (Ephesians 6: 10-18), obtaining spiritual wisdom and meditating on God’s Word to protect her virtue and to keep her chaste and righteous.

She is loyal and faithful not only with her love, but with all her resources, and she does not spend foolishly. She is a shrewd and capable business woman who provides for her household in all seasons, working joyfully (v. 13). She spins, plants, invests, shops, makes clothes and sells them (v. 13-19)

But faithfulness, loyalty and honor in a woman mean far more to her family than any financial gain – these character traits are priceless. We can be an example to our children of faithfulness to our spouse and of considering his best interests. He won’t need to look elsewhere for companionship, nor will he have to wage war to get profit or gain, if he knows his wife is trustworthy in her love and faithfulness to him.

Next time, we’ll discuss other qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman: her generosity (v. 20), kindness (v. 26), realistic self-appraisal (v. 18), provision for her family (v. 21, 24), and praiseworthiness (v.10, 28, 29). Most important, she fears the Lord! (v. 30).

© 2013 Laurie Collett 

Reposted from the archives

 

Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

 

Absent from the Bride

 

In a dream I had recently, my husband, son and I are attending the wedding reception of my childhood friend, who in reality was unmarried and has recently gone home to be with the Lord. The reception is held in the meeting room of a hotel, which looks more suitable for a business convention than a celebration. 

There are no decorations, music, or special lighting, and no signs of the bride, groom or wedding party. At each seat, instead of wedding favors, are clear plastic bags containing a mismatched assortment of advertising trinkets – a key chain, shoe shine cloth, pen and matches each bearing the slogan of a different company. There is a printed program, also containing ads, with an announcement stating “If anyone wishes to toast the wedding couple, they may do so for $15, payable in advance.”

A woman I don’t recognize comes over to our table and acts like we are long-lost friends, claiming that we worked together when I was Director of Nursing at a VA hospital, which I never was, nor did I ever even work as a nurse or an administrator. She says she is looking forward to my husband and I performing a solo dance in honor of the wedding couple, which is news to us, and we look at each other in surprise.

Before I can answer her, another woman comes over, carrying a sheet of pictures with my photo on it and photos of four other people, saying “Oh, you’re obviously the best person to do a toast.” Apparently she thought flattery would work on me when it hadn’t on the other four on her list, and it didn’t seem that she knew anything about any of us, even our names. She had been given the sheet of photos to identify the most likely suspects who might pay to give a toast to the wedding couple.

On the one hand, I think it is wrong for the host to ask for money from those who want the opportunity to publicly honor the bride, and I am even having second thoughts about the whole affair, which seems far more commercial than festive. But on the other hand, I want to publicly praise and honor the bride and groom, who, oddly, are still nowhere in sight, and I am concerned that they will be hurt if I forego the toast.

So I agree to do the toast, advance payment and all, and excuse myself to freshen up before I am called to the podium. As I stand up, I realize in horror that my gown is a mess. It is bright pink taffeta, the color of bubble gum, and way too long, so that I’m afraid I’ll trip over it. Even worse, there is a large, dark stain across the bodice.

As I awaken in a panic I begin to consider the meaning of the dream, which I believe was warning me about the need for a right spirit within the church, or bride of Christ (Ephesians 5:23-32). One day, I hope and believe very soon, all those who are saved by trusting in the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 15:1-4) as the only Way to Heaven (John 14:6) will attend the most important wedding celebration of all time. 

At the Marriage Supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:9), we will celebrate the eternal union of Christ the Bridegroom with His bride, namely the called-out assembly of born-again believers (John 3:3-8), or the church. This will occur in Heaven after the Rapture of the church, when Jesus calls us home and meets with us in the air, along with the Old Testament saints who were saved by faith (Ephesians 2:8-9) before Jesus’ resurrection, and those New Testament saints who went home to be with Him before the Rapture. 

These two groups will be resurrected into glorified bodies and ascend to meet Jesus in the air. Immediately thereafter, those believers who are still living will be instantly transformed into glorified bodies and also rise to meet Jesus and the resurrected saints (1 Corinthians 15:51-52; 1 Thessalonians 4:14-17).

When Jesus had His last Passover meal with His disciples on the eve of His crucifixion, He said that He would not drink the fruit of the vine again until He drank it with them in the kingdom of God (Matthew 26:29; Mark 14:25). I believe He was referring to that Marriage Supper of the Lamb, where Jesus Christ will be united with His bride the church, and all the Old Testament and Tribulation period saints will be in attendance.

In the meantime, He commanded His apostles to remember the promise of salvation through His shed blood and broken body each time they shared a meal or Communion together (Luke 22:19-20). Communion therefore remembers the past, completed sacrifice Jesus made to pay for all our sins; honors the present fellowship of the bride of Christ with Him and with one another; and anticipates the future Marriage Supper of the Lamb (1 Corinthians 11:23-26).

Communion with fellow members of the bride of Christ should be filled with service to and love for one another, and remembrance, love and honor for Jesus Who paid our sin debt in full (Hebrews 10:10) so that we can eagerly look forward to the Marriage Supper of the Lamb and blissful eternity to follow.

The apostle Paul warned the church at Corinth not to take part in communion lightly, and to reflect on our relationship with Christ and with one another to restore any wrong attitudes before we partake in this fellowship (1 Corinthians 11:16-22,27-34). I believe that the dream was warning me that if we’re not careful, individual churches can lose sight of the Church, the dearly beloved Bride of Christ for whom He died (Ephesians 5:25), and even of Christ Himself (Revelation 2:4).

My husband and I are blessed to be part of a loving, Bible-based, Christ-honoring church that prays for and ministers to our members, visitors, community, and global missions. The precious Name of Jesus is exalted at every service and His Word is preached, taught and sung. But there is a disturbing trend among many churches to forget their identity as part of the bride of Christ, and to incorporate worldly traditions and ideals in their services, meetings, and community interactions (1 Corinthians 11:16-22).

The strangest part of my dream was the absence of the bride and groom at their own wedding celebration. Christ, the Bridegroom, has promised that if two or more are gathered in His Name, He will be in their midst (Matthew 18:20). But if churches honor others instead of Him, His Spirit may no longer grace their meetings with His presence.

I was shocked and saddened recently to see a large, expensive advertisement for a church Easter celebration that not once mentioned the Name of Jesus, His Resurrection, or plan of salvation. Instead, it spoke of “celebrating the new you” and featured a large head shot and name of the musical guest artist. It boasted “no ticket needed,” for in fact this service seemed to be more about a concert honoring a singer, than a worship service praising our risen Savior.

In my dream, even the bride was absent. If churches are not careful, their meetings will become little more than social networks to catch up on the latest news, fashion and gossip, rather than to strengthen fellow believers in their faith and understanding of Scripture (Hebrews 10:25) and to bear their burdens (Galatians 6:2) and share their joys. In such meetings, the true Bride of Christ is missing, for the “church” members are relating to one another as they would to unsaved acquaintances, focusing on worldly things and not on Jesus.

Some churches today are so large that most of the members do not know one another, which may deprive the members of accountability and opportunity for Christian friendship. In my dream, even the hostess appeared to lack any genuine relationship with or even knowledge of the guests.  

Not surprisingly,  the atmosphere in my dream was impersonal, drab, lifeless, and lacking the joy (Psalm 21:1; 35:9) and hope (1 Peter 1:3) that should perfume the air (Hebrews 1:9) at any wedding celebration, and especially one honoring the union of Christ and His bride. As is common in the world, commercialism prevailed, with advertising gimmicks and even fees charged to honor the bride and groom.

Many “Christian” organizations charge dues or require “suggested” donations, and many churches not only regularly sell merchandise, beverages and food but have become meccas of multi-level marketing. I wonder, if Jesus were walking the earth today, if He would throw down the sales racks, cash registers and catalogs and chastise the churches for becoming a den of thieves instead of a house of prayer (Matthew 21:13; Mark 11:17; Luke 19:46).

Sadly, some church budgets seem to prioritize branding, giveaways and worldly entertainment to draw in large numbers, preferably the wealthy. Meanwhile, they neglect the poor and hurting in the community whom Jesus has called us to serve (James 1:27; 2:1-9); they overlook sound doctrinal teaching (2 Peter 2); and they omit the Name of Jesus (Acts 4:12) and His shed blood from their music, which is designed to soothe itching ears (2 Timothy 4:3) rather than to glorify Him (Psalm 95:1).

Those who attempt to serve at such world-oriented churches may find that they have to pay for the privilege, or that the churches are hiring paid musicians and denying their own members service or even giving opportunities. I heard of someone who joined a megachurch and reported excitedly, “They’re so rich that we don’t even have to tithe!”

How sad that “church” members would be led to miss out on the blessing God has promised (Malachi 3:8-12) to those who faithfully obey His Word, including the tithe! But much of today’s “church” has become like the church at Laodicea, rich in goods but poor in spirit, causing Jesus to be nauseated by their lukewarm attitude and wrongly placed self-sufficiency (Revelation 3:14-22).

In such a setting, the lost are unlikely to be saved, and even saved believers will not thrive spiritually. Every believer should be clothed in the righteousness of Jesus Christ, shining and spotless as a wedding garment (Isaiah 61:10). But many at such churches will be left behind when Christ returns for His bride, and they will be ashamed at their ill-fitting, inappropriate, sin-stained garment (Matthew 22:1-14).

May we not forget our first love! May our hearts burn with passion for Him and for one another, honoring Christ and His bride until He comes again! 

 

© 2017 Laurie Collett

Reposted from the archives

What Is Love?

 

Photo by Patty Colmer 2007

 

As we in the United States prepare for Valentine’s Day, it is appropriate to consider what love truly is. We use the term very loosely, as in “I love chocolate!” Great songs, poems, and books have been written about love, but what do the writers mean by love? There are three Greek words describing love: eros, phileo, and agape.

Eros refers to erotic or sexual love and is seldom used in the Bible, but this type of love is often exploited in songs, movies, and TV of today. In isolation, eros is not really love at all, because it is a form of lust that demeans its object as merely an end to satisfy one’s own needs. It often borders on hate, as we see when lust led Amnon to rape his half-sister Tamar (2 Samuel 13). When he had what he wanted, he hated her even more intensely than he had once desired her (v. 15).

Yet when eros is accompanied by love within the marriage relationship as God designed it, it forges an unbreakable, exclusive bond between man and wife, causing them to become one flesh (Genesis 2:21-25; Mark 10:6-9). This type of romantic and physical marital love is beautifully depicted in the Song of Solomon. Many regard this poem as an allegory describing the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church (Ephesians 5:22-32).

Phileo appears often in the Bible, referring to brotherly love. It is the root word of “Philadelphia,” meaning brotherly love. Many of our human relationships, such as those between brothers and sisters in Christ, schoolmates, or other friends or family, are based on phileo. Despite our sin nature, this type of affection comes fairly naturally to most of us because we find the resulting relationships to be rewarding. Often we form such relationships with like-minded people with whom we have much in common, and we enjoy their company because they think and act like we do.

Even unsaved people have natural affection for their family and friends. However, Scripture warns that in the End Times, that affection will grow cold, and men will love pleasure more than they love God or one another (2 Timothy 3:1-3). We see this today when mothers abort or abandon their children for convenience or fathers slaughter their family, because they have no love even for their own flesh and blood.

The expectation in relationships governed by phileo is that we will help one another, encouraging each other (2 Corinthians 1:4), praying for one another (James 5:16), bearing one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), and exchanging gifts or uplifting messages. Friends may often provide substantial help when needed, such as errands, moving, home maintenance, food or medicine when one is sick, or even a job opportunity or financial assistance.

I know of someone in our former church, a mother in her forties, who is an amazing example of this type of brotherly love. Her close friend and sister in Christ married a diabetic, and several months later, he developed kidney failure that became so severe that he needed a kidney transplant. His wife was not a good match to be an organ donor, but her friend was, and she gave her kidney so that her brother in Christ would live and so that her sister in Christ would not lose her husband! Praise the Lord, all are still doing well!

But even when the giving becomes lopsided because one is going through tougher times than the other, the unspoken assumption is “You scratch my back – I’ll scratch yours,” or “I’ve always been there for her, so she’ll always be there for me.” If we are honest with ourselves, we may realize that some of these relationships are actually more like a contractual partnership than a true friendship, and we may begin to resent the “friend” who takes much more than she gives.

The truest form of love described in the Bible is agape, or self-sacrificing love that gives freely and completely while expecting nothing in return. Sacrificial, anonymous giving may be motivated by agape, provided it is not done to bolster one’s ego, pride, or self-righteousness.

The apostle Paul warned that even if we give away all our possessions to feed the poor, and even give our own body to be burned, it does us no good unless we do it out of sacrificial love, translated as charity (1 Corinthians 13:3). When we face Jesus Christ at the judgment seat for believers, even magnanimous deeds like these will burn up in the fire of judgment (1 Corinthians 3:10-15) unless they were motivated by true love for God and for one another.

Jesus told us to love and pray for our enemies (Matthew 5:44), even though they would destroy us if they had the chance, much less thank us. (Praying for our enemies to be exiled to Siberia doesn’t count!). Jesus told us that the greatest form of love, which He exemplifies, is to lay down your life for your friends (John 15:13).

Many people would take a bullet to spare the life of their child or wife, because they love that person more than they value their own life. Many soldiers end up sacrificing their life to protect their fellow troops or country. But in these examples, the sacrifice is usually impulsive rather than premeditated, and protects a person or idea of great worth to the person making the sacrifice.

In contrast, true agape, like that shown by Jesus Christ, sacrifices while fully aware of the cost (Matthew 16:21) and of the absence of reward. It commits to the sacrifice well in advance (Isaiah 50:6-7), and benefits those who hate rather than love the one who dies. He sacrificed Himself for His enemies (Romans 5:6-10), so that all who are saved by trusting in His death, burial and resurrection (1 Corinthians 15:1-4) as the only Way to Heaven (John 14:6) can have eternal life!

Next week, we’ll explore the concept that a better question than “What is love?” may be “Who is Love?” and that the answer is Jesus Christ!

© 2019 Laurie Collett

Edited and reposted from the archives