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| Photo by Patty Colmer 2007 |
Eros
refers to erotic or sexual love and is seldom used in the Bible, but this type
of love is often exploited in songs, movies, and TV of today. In isolation, eros is not really love at all, because
it is a form of lust that demeans its object as merely an end to satisfy one’s
own needs. It often borders on hate, as we see when lust led Amnon to rape his
half-sister Tamar (2 Samuel 13).
When he had what he wanted, he hated her even more intensely than he had once desired
her (v. 15).
Yet when eros is
accompanied by love within the marriage relationship as God designed it, it
forges an unbreakable, exclusive bond between man and wife, causing them to
become one flesh (Genesis 2:21-25;
Mark 10:6-9). This type of romantic and physical marital love is
beautifully depicted in the Song of
Solomon. Many regard this poem as an allegory describing the
relationship between Christ and His bride, the church (Ephesians 5:22-32).
Phileo
appears often in the Bible, referring to brotherly love. It is the root word of
“Philadelphia,” meaning brotherly love. Many of our human relationships, such
as those between brothers and sisters in Christ, schoolmates, or other friends
or family, are based on phileo.
Despite our sin nature, this type of affection comes fairly naturally to most
of us because we find the resulting relationships to be rewarding. Often we
form such relationships with like-minded people with whom we have much in
common, and we enjoy their company because they think and act like we do.
Even unsaved people have natural affection for their family
and friends. However, Scripture warns that in the End Times, that affection
will grow cold, and men will love pleasure more than they love God or one
another (2 Timothy 3:1-3). We
see this today when mothers abort or abandon their children for convenience or
fathers slaughter their family, because they have no love even for their own
flesh and blood.
The expectation in relationships governed by phileo is that we will help one another,
encouraging each other (2 Corinthians
1:4), praying for one another (James
5:16), bearing one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), and exchanging gifts or uplifting messages.
Friends may often provide substantial help when needed, such as errands, moving,
home maintenance, food or medicine when one is sick, or even a job opportunity
or financial assistance.
I know of someone in our former church, a mother in her
forties, who is an amazing example of this type of brotherly love. Her close
friend and sister in Christ married a diabetic, and several months
later, he developed kidney failure that became so severe that he needed a
kidney transplant. His wife was not a good match to be an organ donor, but her
friend was, and she gave her kidney so that her brother in Christ would live
and so that her sister in Christ would not lose her husband! Praise the Lord,
all are still doing well!
But even when the giving becomes lopsided because one is
going through tougher times than the other, the unspoken assumption is “You
scratch my back – I’ll scratch yours,” or “I’ve always been there for her, so
she’ll always be there for me.” If we are honest with ourselves, we may realize
that some of these relationships are actually more like a contractual
partnership than a true friendship, and we may begin to resent the “friend” who
takes much more than she gives.
The truest form of love described in the Bible is agape, or self-sacrificing love that
gives freely and completely while expecting nothing in return. Sacrificial,
anonymous giving may be motivated by agape,
provided it is not done to bolster one’s ego, pride, or self-righteousness.
The apostle Paul warned that even if we give away all our
possessions to feed the poor, and even give our own body to be burned, it does
us no good unless we do it out of sacrificial love, translated as charity (1 Corinthians 13:3). When we face Jesus Christ at the judgment seat
for believers, even magnanimous deeds like these will burn up in the fire of judgment (1 Corinthians 3:10-15)
unless they were motivated by true love for God and for one another.
Jesus told us to love and pray for our enemies (Matthew 5:44), even though they
would destroy us if they had the chance, much less thank us. (Praying for our
enemies to be exiled to Siberia doesn’t count!). Jesus told us that the
greatest form of love, which He exemplifies, is to lay down your life for your
friends (John 15:13).
Many people would take a bullet to spare the life of their
child or wife, because they love that person more than they value their own
life. Many soldiers end up sacrificing their life to protect their fellow
troops or country. But in these examples, the sacrifice is usually impulsive
rather than premeditated, and protects a person or idea of great worth to the
person making the sacrifice.
In contrast, true agape,
like that shown by Jesus Christ, sacrifices while fully aware of the cost (Matthew 16:21) and of the absence
of reward. It commits to the sacrifice well in advance (Isaiah 50:6-7), and benefits those who hate rather than love
the one who dies. He sacrificed Himself for His enemies (Romans 5:6-10), so that all who are saved by trusting in His death, burial and resurrection (1
Corinthians 15:1-4) as the only Way to Heaven (John 14:6) can have eternal life!
Next week, we’ll explore the concept that a better question
than “What is love?” may be “Who is Love?” and that the answer is Jesus Christ!
© 2019 Laurie Collett
Edited and reposted from the archives
