Remembering Hedy

A few days ago I received an unexpected and sobering email. Hedy, my best friend throughout our teenage years, had cried out in the night from what turned out to be a burst cerebellar aneurysm deep in the brain. Within minutes, she had passed into eternity.

We had studied at the same ballet school, worked hard and sweated together, rehearsed and performed in the same troupe, shared our dreams, disappointments, and triumphs, We helped each other through the heartbreak of first crushes, family problems, school struggles, conflicts in our dance world. We confided in one another about sorrows we could not bear to discuss with anyone else.

Best of all, we laughed, long and hard, about so many things. How much better and healthier than to cry over problems we could not control (Proverbs 17:22). Together we agonized through stretching exercises, bandaged our blistered feet, and stuffed cardboard and lambs’ wool in our pointe shoes to ease the pain.But we always found ways to make it fun!

We enjoyed studying pictures and reading biographies of great ballerinas, learning about stage makeup, and rehearsing in my family’s living room. We improvised to classical music recorded on LPs, and choreographed ballets we dreamed we would produce one day.

When we were juniors in high school, Hedy helped me get my first semi-professional gig as a ballet dancer. She had heard of auditions at a local ballet company, and was supportive and encouraging (Ephesians 4:2) rather than resentful when I was cast as a soloist.

But shortly thereafter, time, space and plans separated us. I went off to college as a premed student and she continued to pursue her ballet studies, supporting herself through odd jobs at dance studios and working long hours, yet never too tired to polish and her perfect her own craft.

In the years to come we seldom saw one another, yet the bond between us could never be broken. Hedy was not only like a sister to me, but also like a daughter to my mother when I moved out of state, accompanying her on long trips to our family burial plot and responding quickly to emergencies. We kept in touch through phone calls and mostly through long but sporadic letters. Pouring out our hearts to one another on the written page was almost like confiding in one another face to face.

As the years went on, our life paths continued to diverge, even though we both continued to explore our love of dance. Hedy opened her own dance studio and offered scholarships to underprivileged children, teaching them by example her joy in dance, and the devotion, dedication and discipline needed to advance in this unique art form that uses the human body as the instrument of expression.

I became a neurologist, got married, had a son, and had a successful career, first in academics and then in private practice. But I never lost my joy in dancing, and began performing, competing and choreographing with my husband and dance partner.

In 2000, my life took a dramatic turn. I was born again (John 3:1-8) by realizing that I was a sinner in need of a Savior (Romans 3:23), and that Jesus Christ, Son of God and God Himself, came to earth in human form (John 1:1-14).

He died on the cross as the perfect, sinless Sacrifice to pay for all our sins, to reconcile sinful man to Holy God (2 Corinthians 5:18-19; Hebrews 2:17). He was buried and rose again on the third day, so that all who trust Him as Lord and Savior would have abundant, eternal life (1 Corinthians 15:1-4; John 3:16; 10:10).

Naturally, I wanted to share this life-changing experience with Hedy, so I put it into words with pen on stationery, and prayed it would touch her heart. Several months went by, and I wondered if I had offended her or if she thought the pressures of my career had driven me off the deep end.

But then I received her letter and tore open the envelope with trembling hands. She explained that she was shocked at first, but that she valued my opinion enough to reflect carefully on what I had written. Praise God, she too had trusted Christ as her Lord and Savior!

Hedy began seeking out Christian friends and listening to Christian radio, and I prayed that she would find a Bible-preaching, loving church home, to encourage others and be encouraged, and to worship God and study His Word together (Hebrews 10:25).

What a blessing to learn, in that otherwise dismal email I just received, that the grandmother of one of her students had invited Hedy to go to church with her, and that Hedy had enjoyed attending services there!

Her memorial service was held at that church with more than a hundred of her students and their families coming to pay their respects and to honor the love she had shown them during her all-too-brief time with them. We don’t understand why Hedy’s life was cut off so abruptly (James 4:14), but we can trust that God has His reasons for bringing her home (Romans 8:28).

With God there are no coincidences, and it made me smile as I thought of the church to which He had guided her. The church is about a 15 mile drive from where Hedy grew up, lived, and had her school. And yet, it is within walking distance of the home where I grew up and where Hedy visited me often for teenage sleepovers.

When I was a young girl, long before I knew Christ, I used to walk or bike around our neighborhood (in the days and in a town when and where it was safe for children to explore their community without close adult supervision). I always felt drawn to the church that Hedy would end up joining decades later. Sometimes when I felt troubled or just needed to think things over, I would park my bike outside and go in, for it was always left unlocked even though no one was there.

Once inside I was always struck by the quiet, so profound that I could hear the rustling of air molecules in my ears. Often I would pray silently to God, although I didn’t yet know Him. Thank God that He knew me and a plan for me since before the beginning of time, drawing me to Himself (Jeremiah 29:11; Acts 17:27). Thank God that He had a plan for Hedy too, and that He allowed me the awesome privilege of being the one to tell her about Him! (1 Thessalonians 2:19; 2 Corinthians 5:20)

Praise God for friends who encourage and support us, sharing our burdens as well as our joy (Ecclesiastes 4:12; Galatians 6:2). For the Christian, death of a loved one in Christ brings sorrow as we miss them on earth, for they cannot return to us, yet we know that we will one day go to them, praise God! (2 Samuel 12:23).

This gives us the peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7) and the joy of anticipating that blessed and lively hope (Titus 2:13; 1 Peter 1:3) of living with Him and with one another throughout eternity (1 Corinthians 15:54-57; 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18).

One day Hedy and I will meet again, praising Him with dance! (Psalm 149:3; 150:4) Perhaps we will dance before His throne the dances we choreographed as teenagers but never had a chance to perform! 

© 2016 Laurie Collett

Home Again

Photo by Tim Evanson 2013

The memorial service for Lorraine, my mother-in-law, was truly a blessing. Even though we had agreed it should be a celebration of her life, and a time of rejoicing over her homegoing to Heaven, I think it is only natural to experience some dread over this type of service. It adds finality to our loved one’s passing; it makes us sad that we will miss them; and it evokes regret about missed opportunities. For those who are unsaved, it raises doubts and questions about their eternal destiny, and all of us may wonder about the legacy we will leave for all those whose lives we touched.

But the Holy Spirit moved so gracefully through this service, just as He did to reassure us when she entered the hospital for the last time, and even in the events surrounding her passing. A sudden worsening in her condition was the needed alarm to gather all her family, and she appeared to be able to recognize and understand us even though she could not speak. When she finally slipped peacefully into her last hours of sleep, we all returned to our homes, which was a blessing in that our last memory of her would not be of her dying breath.

It was 2AM and I lay awake, yet I was calmed by remembering the passage “absent from the body, present with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:6-8). Suddenly a visible jolt went through my sleeping husband’s body, and within moments the phone rang, which I knew immediately was the hospital calling to let us know she had passed. I shouted Richard’s name for him to answer it, and as he bolted from the bed and ran to the phone, he tripped on the scatter rug, slammed into the closet doorway with his shoulder, cut up and bruised his arm and hand, ripped the curtains from the closet, and wrenched his back and neck!

Not funny at the time, but he has recovered fully, praise God! Earlier that afternoon, he and his sister Kathy had been reminiscing and chuckling over a fall he had when they were children. Apparently they were watching a violinist on the Lawrence Welk show, and Richard ran upstairs to get a junky violin he had rescued from the trash. In his excitement to accompany the maestro, he skidded and fell – right on top of the violin, smashing it to bits!

So it looked like Lorraine, with her “quirky sense of humor,” as Kathy’s son described it at the service, had the last laugh as she played one last prank on Richard!

The call was in fact what I had feared, and as we consoled one another with hugs, Richard quoted out loud the same Scripture that had been silently on my heart: “absent from the body, present with the Lord.”

The next day we learned that after Richard called Kathy to tell her know the news, she and her husband went into their living room to sit for a while. Earlier that night, she had brought an IPod and headphones to the hospital so that Lorraine could listen to her favorite John Denver music, including “Home Again.” When they left, Kathy shut off the IPod and brought it home in her purse.

As Kathy and her husband sat talking about Lorraine’s passing, suddenly they heard faint, tinny music and realized that the IPod in Kathy’s purse had mysteriously begun playing “No Regrets,” even though they had not even touched the purse!

Preparations for the service could have been a real ordeal, especially since nothing had been planned in advance. But the funeral director, who was literally around the corner from our home and church, turned out to be a real Godsend, treating us like his own family. Planning her life celebration became a peaceful time of reflecting on what a blessing she was, and on the hope Christians have in knowing we are not really saying “Goodbye” to our loved ones who trusted Christ (1 Corinthians 15:54-57; 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18).

We felt bathed in love and prayers from both our churches – the one we had recently left and the one we have now joined. Our new church prepared a loving, bountiful and delicious home-cooked meal in their Fellowship Hall after the service. Lorraine would have loved this, as she delighted in feeding family, friends, unexpected visitors, neighborhood children, and even staff at the assisted living facility where she spent her last years.

Equally fitting was that the date of her passing was February 14, Valentine’s Day -- how perfect for a woman who generously gave out love, candy and handwritten notes to those she held dear, and even to those she had just recently met! And such a blessed reminder of God’s great love for us!

The associate pastor from our former church led the memorial service, as he knew her personally and had been the one to lead her to the Lord five years ago, when she was 85 years young! What an encouraging reminder that we should never give up on praying for our loved ones who do not yet know Christ (1 Thessalonians 5:17; Hebrews 4:16), as He will answer those prayers with His perfect will and perfect timing. If we are faithful to pray, sow the seed, and water, He will give the increase (1 Corinthians 3:6-8).

At the service, her family, friends and pastor spoke of her generous spirit, good humor despite many hardships, and her love for music. Kathy’s son Philip played and sang “Home Again,” while our son accompanied him on guitar.

The pastor acknowledged that his role was to offer comfort, yet he had no source of comfort in his own strength. Our only Comfort is God Himself, the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3-4), Who gives us the peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7). Jesus told us not to be troubled, for He has gone to His Father’s house to prepare a place for us, so that we may be with Him always in Heaven (John 14:1-3).

So what about Lorraine, the pastor asked. Is she in Heaven? I don’t know, he admitted to deafening silence, for only God knows the hearts (Psalm 44:21; Luke 16:15 Acts 15:8). We are all sinners (Romans 3:10,23) deserving eternal death in hell (Romans 6:23), yet God in His infinite love gave His only Son, Jesus Christ, to suffer and die, taking on our punishment so that all who trust in His death, burial and resurrection (1 Corinthians 15:1-4) will not die, but have eternal life (John 3:16).

She is not in Heaven because she was a good person, even though she worked selflessly to provide for her family and to fill their lives with love and laughter. All our own righteousness is as filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6), unacceptable to Holy God, but Jesus Christ has appeased His holy wrath by suffering in our place (Romans 3:25; 1 John 2:2; 4:10. Now when God looks at born-again believers (John 3:3-8), He no longer sees our sins, but only the perfect righteousness of His Son.

She is not in Heaven because she was religious, even though being raised in the Catholic Church, she was in the habit of praying her rosaries and taking communion. The high priests and Pharisees of Jesus’ day made a great show of their religion, praying out loud in the public square, wearing their religious garb, and tithing, but their hearts were far from Christ, and they did not even recognize Him as the promised Messiah (Matthew 23).

She is not in Heaven because of her academic knowledge of Scripture, or because of her belief that Jesus was a great teacher and prophet. In fact, she did not read her Bible or listen to preaching, because her eyesight and hearing failed in her later years, and she was distracted by pain and labored breathing.

There are many who have an intellectual understanding of Jesus but who do not know Him as their Lord and Savior, and unless they have a personal relationship with Him in their heart, they will not be in Heaven (Matthew 15:8; Mark 7:6). Satan himself knows Scripture better than any born-again Bible scholar, and he knows it is all true (James 2:19), yet he is unsaved because his pride keeps him from worshipping God (Isaiah 14:12-20).

I don’t think it is a “coincidence” that the Scripture we chose for Lorraine’s memorial book, video and leaflets were the same verses highlighted by the pastor in His message:

John 14:1 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. 2 In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

John 3:16  For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

John 11:25 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: 26 And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.

So is Lorraine in Heaven? Only God knows the hearts. But we believe and have hope that her profession of faith reflected her genuine belief in and submission to Christ as the only Way (John 14:6) to Heaven, and that He has brought her “Home Again.” 

© 2014 Laurie Collett